These words were spoken to me as I was on my way to my silent retreat this past February by a long-time prayer partner. He added that it would be a shame to waste time licking envelopes instead of sitting at the feet of Jesus.
Those words came back to me on the silent retreat that just ended yesterday.
I spent the first hour of my silent retreat rereading my silent retreat journals from the last several years and came across that very statement. I then looked up to see a stack of envelopes on the desk in my room at the Hermitage that I had snuck into my backpack (so that my husband wouldn't see and tell me to leave them at home) for a mailing that I hadn't quite finished before I left.
I was here to seek the King. But as is not atypical for me, I get distracted by seeking the Kingdom.
I love the calling. But I also need to love the Caller.
But as I began to process, I wondered: Licking envelopes / Being WITH God.
Two opposite things? Or two sides of the same coin?
At first, I thought that the behaviors of Mary and Martha are actually two sides of the same coin. It's not an either/or. It's not a good versus bad.
If we live our lives only as Mary, nothing gets done.
If we live our lives only as Martha's, we miss being with the King.
But then I realized that there is a third option. One MUST come before the other. First I love the King and spend time WITH the King. And from there, I work to seek the Kingdom. The order matters.
Of course, I know my prayer partner understands the need to lick envelopes and appreciates that all work can be done as an act of worship.
But he also knows my tendency to be Martha rather than Mary. My tendency to want to get "stuff" done BEFORE I sit at the feet of Jesus. My "what's next" approach to life can generate good work, but it can also be problematic.
My tendency is to do life "for" God instead of life "with" God. And the danger in that is that the work becomes an idol. It puts God's mission before God Himself. You become so busy SERVING that you miss BEING.
I know that I have to be intentional to listen.
At my retreat, I spent a considerable amount of time in an amazing labyrinth that took me forty minutes to complete. I focused on being quiet and listening as I walked. What a delight to be silent and just be with the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. What a joy to lie on the ground at the center of the labyrinth and just view the sky. What a joy to be reminded of the call to joy.
What a gift. I call silent retreats my vacate-tion. They are the gift of no obligations, no shoulds and oughts, no talking...just being. True rest for soul and body. I highly recommend them.
I do desire His Kingdom to come and His will to be done, but not as an end in and of itself. The goal is the fellowship and community with the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. To know Him better. To love Him better.
I asked Him to show me where I need to improve to be a better disciple, and He graciously showed me three areas. He thankfully stopped at just three... for now... enough for me to work on, yet not be overwhelmed.
I didn't miss the King on this retreat. But because I love the King, I also seek His Kingdom.
Oh, and just in case you are wondering, I did finish the mailing while on the retreat and then drove to the nearby town's post office to mail it out. But as soon as I got back, right back to silence. I can do both. But the order matters.
What about you? How do you make sure that you are not missing the King while seeking the Kingdom?
