Update on the Kids

A few of you asked for updates on the kids and so this blog is about them. 

Hannah just completed her second year at Calvin College and will be a junior this fall.  She is 20 years old, which is hard for me to believe.  She too wishes that she was still a teenager and frequently will lament the passing of time.  She is double majoring in Social Work and Psychology, and minoring in French.  She wasn't planning on majoring in Psych, but after taking one class, she fell in love with it.  A chip off the old block, I guess - her father of course, and I too was a Psych major at Calvin.  In fact, her first Psych class was taught by a professor that I had as well.  Strange. 

Hannah is working full-time at the Calvin library for the second summer in a row, and she also works there part-time during the year.  She will continue working there again this fall, as well as begin tutoring in French.  She is volunteering with Oakdale Neighbors, a community development organization here in Grand Rapids, which she enjoys.  She continues to struggle with exhaustion and we continue to try different ideas for relieving her of that.  Right now she is trying a gluten free diet, which in addition to being vegetarian, makes cooking for her very challenging!

Hannah will be taking a couple of weeks off at the end of the summer to take the train to Vancouver, British Columbia (Canada) to visit a couple of friends.  One of those friends will then join her on the train back to Calvin.  Taking the train across the country should be beautiful.  (And I'm much happier with her taking the train instead of driving!)

Noah is 18 years old, just finished his freshman year at Calvin College, and will be a sophomore this fall.  (He skipped the first grade which is why he's a year younger than his peers.)  He adjusted very well to his independence and seemed to thrive with dorm life.  At this time he is planning on majoring in International Relations and minoring in French.  He doesn't have to declare his major until the end of this year, however, so the French minor might change.  He loves politics though and LOVES to debate.  He doesn't want to be a politician (for which this mother is thankful) but would love to end up in foreign service work.  His dream job would be to be an ambassador for the US somewhere in the world.  I'm rooting for Africa!

Noah is also working full-time at Calvin, on a building cleaning team.  For those of you who know Noah well, that was not a typo.  Yes, a cleaning team.  While I wouldn't say that he is enjoying the work, he is enjoying the fruit of his labor by earning money for his tuition.  Noah worked this job during the last school year as well and will more than likely continue in it this fall.  I keep telling him that should he decide to marry, his future wife will be blessed by his knowledge of cleaning, assuming that he will apply such knowledge!  Noah will also be serving as a Barnabas this fall on his dorm floor.  A Barnabas is someone who is the floor chaplain, so he will be running the Bible Studies and checking in spiritually with his floor-mates.  Hannah did this last year in her dorm and it was a great experience, so we hope the same will be true for Noah.  Noah also just got his drivers license, for which I am grateful.  Three drivers now in the family and no-one else to teach!

Yesterday we had a chance to visit Bob's parents in Lake City:

Hannah and her Grandpa.

Noah and his Grandma.

 I then wanted a few pictures of the two of them...and asked them to act like they loved each other. 

This is how they responded...

Getting warmer...

Awww....big brother and little sister...I mean...big sister and little brother.

Noah being all cool...

Hannah's face when she is about to make a smart remark.

PS - A point of clarification about last week's blog.  A few of you seemed a little confused and so I want to clarify two things:  one, Michael and I are NOT engaged.  That would be a bit quick.  The announcement was about our new relationship, in part because people were seeing us together and whispers were starting - so I thought I would clarify and tell the story.  Second, this does not change my work at this time.  I will still be heading back to Kenya in September and will be there until early June.  My work will continue as planned. 

Thanks to so many of you for your loving, thoughtful, and encouraging comments.  To say that last week's blog was a bit scary for me would be an understatement.  But so many of you, especially those who knew and loved Bob dearly, responded with great joy and excitement, echoing that Bob would want me to be happy.  So thank you, dear friends, for continuing this journey with me.

Surprised by Love

Those of you who are friends with me on Facebook may have noticed that I posted a relationship change last week.  Several of you responded with great surprise.  However, none of you are more surprised than me.

If you have been watching me over the past three years since Bob's death, you would have seen a number of postings relating to being content with being single and growing into the idea of Jesus as my husband.  One such posting had to do with why I still wore my wedding ring (and Bob's welded to it), posted here written in September 2011.  The other was much more recent, at the three year anniversary of Bob's death, as I acknowledged that for the past year, I had been working toward seeing Jesus as my husband, and had witnessed a number of responses from Him in that light.  That post can be seen here.

I truly believed that I would be single for the rest of my life - not out of resignation...not because I believed God "called" me to that...not even because I happen to live in Africa and having a relationship would be complicated.  I believed that I could be content and happy being single, fulfilling my calling while being single-minded and purposed.  The year 2012 was a significant year for me as I began to move out from under the cloud of grief and began to think through who Renita is.  Having gotten married at the young age of 21, to a man 14 years my senior, who happened to have strong opinions about things (no surprise to those of you who knew Bob!), I had a lot of figuring out to do of what I liked and who I am.  I had to look at many things again:  what type of food I like, what type of clothes I liked, since I bought a home during 2012 - what type of home furnishings I liked...and so on.  For the first 21 years of my life, I had my parents voice in my head.  The next 20 years had Bob's voice in my head.  Now it was just Renita.

I made many changes in 2012 - deciding to change organizations from Partners Worldwide to International Christian Ministries; changing from West Africa to East Africa; buying a house; and redefining myself.  In November I had a dream where I believed God revealed to me the reason for why Bob died the way he did - without any earthly explanation.  That seemed to be the final piece toward real peace that I needed to let go of the agony of Bob's death. 

As of February 2013, I told a few close friends that I was happier than I had been in years - even prior to Bob's death.  I had reached a deep level of joy, peace and contentment.  It felt great!  It is true that I struggled with loneliness in Kitale - being in a new country without knowing anyone.  But it was not a deep loneliness.  I knew it was just situational and would pass as I got to know people in Kenya.

However, with long evenings, no TV, and no one around in the house where I stay, I started checking in more regularly on Facebook to see what family and friends were up to.  I even began to develop some courage to post something every now and then.  These posting were always met with responses by people I knew and loved, so there was good reinforcement to check back.  I began to post some responses to posts here and there - not much, but a few times.  Enter Michael Thomson.

Michael is a member of my church - someone that I have known for some time, though not well at all; just as an acquaintance. He knew Bob better than he knew me - in fact he wrote a poem about Bob after his death.  I posted it on the blog shortly after Bob died - you can see it here.

In February of this year, Michael posted something on Facebook to which I responded.  And the rest, as they say, is history.  We began to communicate back and forth.  Once a week.  Then every few days.  Then every day.  I found myself experiencing feelings that I thought I wouldn't feel again. I was surprised, to say the least.  Michael was surprised as well.  Neither of us was looking to get into a relationship.  Both of us had committed to God to live into the life situation that we find ourselves in, learning to be content.  We certainly didn't expect this friendship, even as it developed, to turn into a relationship.  I was happy and content with Jesus as my husband.  My response to Jesus was, "Really?  I was committed to serving you as a single woman for the rest of my life.  I was content.  Now the 'cat is out of the bag' and I'm suddenly feeling alive again in ways that had been dead for years.  How do I get the cat back in the bag?"  I was no longer feeling content.  And I wasn't sure what to do about it.

Sharing this on the blog feels vulnerable.  But the truth is that this blog has witnessed my life over the past eight years - from Liberia, to Ghana, through the death of Bob and the ensuing grieving process, then to Kenya.  While sharing this feels vulnerable, it is no more vulnerable than what I have shared in the past.  Many of you have been faithful readers of the blog for many years, and I have appreciated your company on this journey thus far.  I feel it is only right to share this as well.

The tipping point for me where something switched from viewing Michael as potentially more than a friend came in an exchange in the beginning of April.  We were having a rather serious dialogue about friendship, Myers-Briggs types, and how we relate to people.  I've decided to share an excerpt of that exchange.

April 7
Renita Reed

People have perceptions of me based on what I do - and I'm just a normal person also trying to figure out how to make it - how to survive - some days doing it well, other days, not so much. I think at Madison Square Church, I've forgotten how to be real - and I wish I could get back to being real again.  I think when you wear this title of "missionary" and then "widow", it starts to take over who you are - and you start living into people's perception, even if it is only in your mind.

Michael Thomson

As for Madison...and not being real....I hope what I am going to say is real and not just my tired mind grasping at thin air...but how be you drop the titles of "missionary" and "widow" for "person" and / or "disciple". How be...if you are asked either before the church or in the church hall to talk about your life as a missionary, you let that slide or answer with...I can tell you what I am doing ...let me tell you what is happening and why I have made / am making some choices. Ask them about their "mission" be they nurses or janitors. As for "widow." Yes...you will always be Bob's widow...but you are still Bob's friend....a sharer of some of Bob's memories and dreams. My point is...Bob is to you more than what makes you "widow." Perhaps even more importantly...and with NO diminutive intent towards Bob or what you had with Bob or what you have of Bob in your soul...but in Madison as in the world you are hardly only Bob's widow. You are Renita! You are Renita! You are Renita who has followed her own sense of where God was leading her into Africa after Bob...Renita who continues to care for and parent from afar and takes risks that make her friends quiver even if she doesn't. At Madison maybe because Bob was such the extrovert and a presence ... SOME may remember you mostly in his shadow. But I dare say, most or all would welcome Renita and her story since Bob in all its authenticity...I really do believe that. So....live into your own place...and not merely as an echo of Bob at Madison. I know you do that in Africa...its your story "in the wind" now...

To be honest, this exchange scared me.  In some ways, I heard Bob's voice in this or at least a voice of encouragement such that I hadn't heard in a long, long time.  It scared me enough to contact some near and dear friends for advice and wisdom.  After debating whether to walk away from this new friendship a number of times out of fear, I was encouraged to explore it as possibly a gift from God.  Toward the end of April we had concluded that this was indeed heading toward a relationship.  At that time we emailed our pastors, who know us both very well, letting them know of our friendship and our desire to go on a date upon my return to Grand Rapids.  Both pastors responded so positively and enthusiastically - it was actually surprising and also affirming. During the worship portion of a church service while I was in Thailand in the beginning of May, I suddenly felt that it was time to take off my wedding rings.  I wept to take off the rings that I had been wearing for 23 years, that connected me still to Bob, and that had been a source of security since his death.  But I also knew that it was time.  Bob had told me that if he died before me, he would want me to marry again (I had told him the same).  I know that his deep love for me manifested itself for twenty years in wanting me to be happy.  I also know that now being in a relationship with another person does not negate or erase the love that I have for Bob, nor his ongoing presence in my life and my heart.

And so, there it is.  Michael and I have no idea where this is leading but have had many, many hours of deep discussion and prayer over this.  I happen to work in Africa.  Michael happens to work as an editor for Eerdman's in Grand Rapids.  Neither of us see our callings changing in the short term.  So this has become an act of faith for both of us.  We have seen a number of instances where it seemed God was the matchmaker and His hand involved in this.  And so, we trust Him to work out the details of living and working 7500 miles apart. 

When we posted our relationship status change on Facebook last week, we had so many nice responses from friends and loved ones.  Michael posted this in response, and I thought I would end this blog with his thought:

Thank you to our friends for your encouraging words. This moment is beyond wonderful! Renita and I truly feel blessed that our grief has been overtaken by joy. Not to say that grief disappears. Loss is loss. Yet in time of grief, in this relationship, we've found friendship, respect, and understanding. In this surprising but welcome moment in our lives, we've seen a work of God in bringing us together.

For you romantics out there, if you would like to read the poem that Michael wrote about me at the end of April, you may read it here.  And as you think of it, feel free to keep us in your prayers!

Poverty and Solutions

This past Friday, I had the opportunity to attend a breakfast meeting where Dr. Brian Fikkert, author of When Helping Hurts (economist and professor at Covenant College) was the speaker.  This is a book I read shortly after it came out in 2009, and have since recommended to many, many people who want to get involved in working in Africa or working with the materially poor.  It was great to meet and hear someone who "speaks my language" as well as be in  a room of 75 people or more who also resonate with the message he presented.  One attendee told me that he "found himself on the edge of tears for most of the presentation - a sort of shame, mixed with longing."  Shame mixed with longing - what a great phrase.  That certainly resonates with me.

Are these children poor?

The message of Dr. Fikkert that morning (as well as in the book) is to help us redefine how we view poverty and ultimately our response to poverty or solutions to alleviate such.  He stated that North Americans tend to define poverty as material, whereas the poor define poverty in psycho-social terms (shame, hopelessness, fear).  He points out that material poverty is only a symptom of the real problem.  Bryant Myers's (author of Walking with the Poor) definition of poverty is,

“Poverty is the result of relationships that do not work, that are not just, that are not for life, that are not harmonious or enjoyable. Poverty is the absence of shalom in all its meanings.” 

It's interesting to think through the idea that poverty is a result of broken relationships - with God, self, others, and the rest of creation.

Dr. Fikkert made the interesting suggestion that Republicans tend to view poverty in terms of individual brokenness ("that person is just lazy" or "pull yourself up by your own bootstraps"); Democrats tend to define poverty in terms of broken systems (economic, political, social environmental).  While I'm sure that these are generalizations that have many exceptions, there is a ring of truth to it, and BOTH individuals and systems need to be addressed.

Is this a poor church?

He went on to suggest that in order to come up with solutions to poverty, we need to look closely at the four foundations of community where we find our primary relationships, which are God, self, others, and the rest of creation.  He then contrasts how the wealthy (which he defined as mainstream America for this example) are viewed in terms of these four concepts, as well as those in poverty.  For the view of God, the wealthy tend toward Nihilism, or the denial of God's existence.  For the view of self, there is a poverty of being, where the wealthy tend toward having a god-complex in that they are not dependent or needy of anyone, but can be anything and handle all things on their own.  For the poor, the view of self is caught up in a marred identity of being"less than".  For the view of others, there is a poverty of community, where the wealthy tend towards being workaholics and the poor tend toward a predator/prey mentality, in which the poor tend to be the prey for the wealthy.  Fikkert points out that being a workaholic is the opposite sin to being lazy - however, society tends to reward the former and penalize the latter.  The last relationship is toward the rest of creation, or the poverty of stewardship.  The wealthy tend toward being self-centered, where the poor tend to have a zero sum approach, believing that the pie of wealth is only so big, and they just aren't going to get a piece. 

Dr. Fikkert then challenged us by saying that until we view ourselves as poor (because we are involved in broken relationships), we will only hurt ourselves and others if we try to address poverty from any other mindset.  In his mind the formula for harm towards the materially poor AND non-poor is this:

Material definition of poverty + god-complex of the non-poor + inferiority complex of the materially poor = Harm to materially poor and non-poor.

Is this business owner poor?

He gave the example of the well-meaning church that gives out turkeys to the materially poor each Thanksgiving and toys to the children of the materially poor each Christmas. After doing this for several years, the church members begin to think about how little they have seen changed since starting this gifting.  The same people are still poor.  There are no changes.  And they begin to think that the church is doing so much - what are these people doing?  Sitting back and waiting for gifts?  And an attitude may begin to develop.  Meanwhile, the materially poor find themselves feeling humiliated for not being able to provide food or toys for their children.  Men are leaving through the back door while the well-meaning church members come through the front to deliver gifts that the parents are not able to provide - inferiority complexes begin to develop.  The materially poor begin to depend or rely on the church to take care of some of these needs, self-esteem in terms of ability may begin to suffer, and dependency may begin to develop.

What is the point of all this for me and my work?  The first step toward poverty alleviation, according to Dr. Fikkert, is repentance.  This is an unusual statement - we don't tend to start there in terms of addressing poverty.  If poverty is primarily about broken relationships, then poverty alleviation needs to focus on the reconciliation of those relationships.  The first step in reconciliation is the need for repentance of the sin of superiority by the materially non-poor as well as repentance of the disproportionate emphasis on the material understanding of the world.

Much of my work involves addressing the materially poor.  And much of my work is often hand in hand with those who are the materially non-poor in doing this work.  The tension of how to address poverty is one that is near and dear to my heart.  I have definitely developed some opinions about what works and doesn't.  As I work on my MBA in Sustainable Development, I am looking closely at economic matters as it relates to poverty alleviation and the role of aid to Africa over the years.   This week I will be writing a paper on whether or not the idea of "Africa Rising" and becoming an economic power in twenty years is a legitimate claim.

This concept matters.  It matters a lot.  We must think this through, process it, and not rush into help without considering whether we will be hurting instead of helping.  And we must remember that it is not only the poor who may be hurt in the attempt to help, but the non-poor as well.  It does not mean that we freeze and give up.  No.  We are called upon to strive to find workable solutions that reflect the reconciling heart of Christ.

Summer Blog Schedule

As you know, since Bob's death I have been writing the blog pretty regularly on a weekly basis.  Both he and I viewed this as a journal of sorts for staying in touch with family and friends as we embarked on this adventure of being "Reeds in the Wind."  When I am back in the US, and among family and friends, the need to journal decreases somewhat, as do the interesting stories and pictures - no offense to my US family and friends :-). 

The work, however, does continue and seems to be picking up some interesting nuances which I am still processing, so I will continue to blog but will probably do so every other week instead of every week.

So just this brief message today, along with this delightful picture that Ron Irvine posted on Facebook.  It made me smile.

God as Conductor

Have you ever had an experience that suddenly shed light on something that you already thought you understood?  This light helps you understand in a much deeper way?  Much of my spiritual life has been like that.  Almost every time I go on a silent retreat, something is revealed to me that I thought I knew, only to discover I didn't know it all; or to be more accurate, my brain knew the concept but my heart had remained in the dark.  It often remains very private - between God and I - not because it is private in nature, but because it is very difficult to explain, especially if it is a well-known term or concept, like forgiveness, grace, God being our Father,and other like terms. 

So I thought I would share one of the concepts in my own "weak way" (as a Liberia pastor and friend used to put it).  I know others have described this particular concept similarly before so I'm not claiming anything profound; just a truth that suddenly impacted me, especially in light of my work - a concept that I probably should have gotten years ago.

There is a worship song that refers to us playing for an Audience of One.  It is a term that I have heard referenced in various contexts over the years.  It has been used to make sure that we are not seeking to please an audience of people, but to keep our eyes and attention focused on pleasing only God.  This phrase runs through my brain periodically as I work against seeking the praise and approval of man.

However, as I reflected on 2 Corinthians 5:9, "So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it,"  it struck me that the term is incorrect, even though I appreciate the concept.  Audience is much to passive of a role for God.  It assigns Him the role described by many as the "watch-maker," a God who is sitting back and not involved.  Additionally, it gives me too much power, implying that I am alone on the stage, performing only for Him, without my performance having an impact on others.  He is not my primary audience and I am not a lone performer.

Rather, He is my conductor and I am only one person of many, many people in the orchestra.  My role is still important because if I decided to become impatient and start playing before the conductor indicates, it will not go over well.  If I decide the conductor is playing the piece too slow or too fast, and want to set my own pace, the music becomes noise.  If I want to rest or play my own notes or in any way do my own thing, it screws up what could be a very beautiful piece of music.  In the end, it makes God look bad as well as the rest of the orchestra.

And the audience will be turned off and probably won't want to listen again.

It is so important that I keep my eyes focused on the Conductor.  If I take my eyes off, I will very quickly be able to miss my cue and screw things up.

The work that I am doing in Kenya is unique.  For many people, Business as Mission is not a familiar concept.  Marketplace Ministries in churches is not something that can be easily found, as far as I am aware.  I have not yet found others who have developed a strategy for reclaiming the redeemed Marketplace at a city-wide or even national basis.  There can be a sense of being alone on a stage, striving to play for an Audience of One.  But it is important that I remember that I am not alone on a stage, performing; rather I am part of a greater orchestra that is operating worldwide to bring the Kingdom of God to earth.  I need to pay very close attention to the Conductor - He knows the music that may be new to me.  I need to sense His rhythm, His movement, His cues to other members or sections of the orchestra; I need to rest when the Conductor calls for it, to wait for His section to join in. 

What a great comfort to be part of a larger orchestra and to be able to have full trust in the Conductor.  My role is to keep my eyes focused on Him.

Hebrews 12:2 says,  "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith..."

Amen!

I am happy to be back in Grand Rapids, amongst family, friends, and brothers and sisters in Christ.  I thank God for traveling mercies, as well as the chance to connect with many other players in this grand orchestra in North America!

3rd Commissioning...and Going Home

Commissioning Prayer

Yesterday, Sunday, June 2, found us in the third commissioning service with 44 business graduates at the Friends (Quakers) Church of Kitale.  This was the site of the pilot project, and these business owners received the full 36 hour training, as well as other components of Marketplace Ministry.  I have to say that I have never had a class work as hard as this one at getting all their homework assignments in and requesting review and make-up classes.  It was such a great class and I thoroughly enjoyed getting to know many of them.  There are a number of strong business owners in the group and I believe they will do well with the new knowledge they have obtained.  They also have deeply grasped the idea of being Marketplace Ministers and have spent the last month praying for their business neighbors.  We continue to hear exciting stories of how the Holy Spirit is working through those prayers.

Kitale Friends Graduating Class

With the last of the trainings and services behind me, I will now be returning to Grand Rapids to spend the summer with my children, meet friends and family again, and work on a number of things relating to ICM and the ongoing work in Kenya.  Last night (Sunday), I boarded a bus for Nairobi and drove through the night in order to make my flight to Grand Rapids on Monday evening.  I will arrive home on Tuesday evening.  I have arranged with ICM to work from Michigan during the summer when my children are home from college.  They have been out of Calvin for about two weeks now and I look forward to joining them again.  I will return to Kenya at the beginning of September.

There are a few tasks before me this summer.  I need to do some serious fundraising as my funds for this ministry are very, very low, such that I am unsure of receiving my salary in June and have not been reimbursed for about two months of ministry expenses..  There is a lot of interest in this work and the impact that it is having, and that needs to translate into financial support as well to allow it to go forward.  So I will spend time speaking to churches and individuals who may have interest in this work to see if they are willing to join it.  This is not my favorite thing to do, but a necessary component, which keeps me cognizant of how the body of Christ works together.

A dear sister in Christ, Teresa, had this dress sewn for me - I was spoiled with gifts by the students.

I am also happy to announce that I have been appointed as a partner missionary with the Christian Reformed World Missions.  I will attend their orientation in July and will begin working more closely with them.  This is also helpful in terms of support, as many of my supporters are Christian Reformed and like being able to give through the CRCNA.  There is a lot of synergy between CRWM and the work of ICM.

I also started working on my Masters in Business Administration in Sustainable Development and have been taking classes, with lots of readings and paper writing.  I hope to work hard in these classes this summer, and gain more knowledge and education to apply to the development work that I have already been doing.

Selina's maize farm...can't argue with the view!

Additionally, there is work to be done on the trainings that I have created, with opportunities to get them online for a wider range of access.  There will be some traveling this summer, but nothing outside of North America.

One event I'm looking forward to is Dr. Walker (founder and head of ICM USA) and Rev. Stephen Mairori (International Director of ICM, Kenya Country Director of ICM) will be coming to Grand Rapids to speak at Madison Square Church on Sunday, August 4 during the evening service and then having a chance to share about our work with ICM after the service with dessert.  Hope you will be able to join us!