Two wonders I confess: My worth and my unworthiness

This year, I had the opportunity to travel to a few countries that were new to me.  During those visits, I learned about the history of the country, as well as the history of Christianity.  In the sharing, I often heard about "colonial masters" who usually arrived at the same time as the missionaries.  The descriptions of both are rarely positive and some of the negative impacts continue to this day.  The idea that the work of those "unfurling Kingdom hope" is always positive is naive at best.  

However, in my last two trips, I've heard a lot of positive things about missionaries and what they have done.  This was especially true in South Korea, as they relayed the story of the history of Christianity through a beautiful drama during Lausanne.  It touched my heart to hear the story, and it helped to bring healing the term "missionary" for me.  I add that to my experience in Indonesia, as I heard the stories of the first missionaries who arrived in very difficult circumstances and sacrificed so much to share the gospel.  I get to work from the legacy of what they have done.  I am so thankful for that.

And all of that contributes to my understanding of this line from a song which I heard first at Lausanne:  

Two wonders I confess:  My worth and my unworthiness.

Indeed.  These words have captivated me and have kept me pondering over the last two weeks. Two wonders that are both true yet opposite.  How can this be?  What a mystery. What a wonder. 

My worth:  I am made in the image of the God of creation.  I am not an employee but a co-creator.  Jesus has paid the price for my sins and calls me friend.  All of that worth comes without me doing a single thing!  Understanding my worth doesn't come easy - I have to remind myself of this. I am invited to live it out, walking in obedience and faithfulness, seeking to grow in the fruits of the Spirit as I do so.

My unworthiness:  This is often much more apparent to me. I was born white in North America, living a life of great privilege that was built on the backs of many who suffered.  My ancestors did things to people that bring me shame to this day.  I am petty, self-absorbed, easily irritated, and impatient. 

How can this be?  Only God.  Only God can take someone so unworthy from an unworthy culture and unworthy ancestry to make a wonder that is able to join in the work of the most High God, with titles like "ambassador," "saint," and "priest."  

And for the missionaries who have gone before, who continue to go out, and who will go in the future, the same two wonders apply.

Only God.  

I am grateful.

The song, by the Gettys:

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=05jKxv8ApuI

My Worth is Not in What I Own

My worth is not in what I own

Not in the strength of flesh and bone

But in the costly wounds of love

At the cross

My worth is not in skill or name

In win or lose, in pride or shame

But in the blood of Christ that flowed

At the cross

I rejoice in my Redeemer

Greatest treasure, wellspring of my soul

I will trust in Him, no other

My soul is satisfied in Him alone

As summer flowers, we fade and die

Fame, youth, and beauty hurry by

But life eternal calls to us

At the cross

I will not boast in wealth or might

Or human wisdom's fleeting light

But I will boast in knowing Christ

At the cross

I rejoice in my Redeemer

Greatest treasure, wellspring of my soul

I will trust in Him, no other

My soul is satisfied in Him alone

Two wonders here that I confess

My worth and my unworthiness

My value fixed, my ransom paid

At the cross

I rejoice in my Redeemer

Greatest treasure, wellspring of my soul

I will trust in Him, no other

My soul is satisfied in Him alone

I rejoice in my Redeemer

Greatest treasure, wellspring of my soul

I will trust in Him, no other

My soul is satisfied in Him alone